The "Puck" factor, or "nobody cares what you think"

I heard a sermon yesterday about "Authenticity."   The general theme was: "Isn't it exhausting wearing a mask all the time.  Stop caring about what people think and expect and just be yourself."

Wow, I wish it were just that simple.

First, we must deal with "The Puck Factor".  This guy:



Bascially "Puck" was a universally-reviled character from the MTV Reality show "Real World" in the 1990's.  To sum-up He was unapologetic in his self-centered asshattery.  Looking at Puck and saying, "Just be yourself," was like an exercise in an Ethics class.  Puck liked hurting other people.  That was genuinely him being him.

....which brings us to yesterday.

Yesterday was going just fine.  We went to church, got home, and I was outside setting things right from our rained-out camping trip, and my wife comes around and we start to talk.   All was still going well until we got to a topic of general disagreement between us.

I kept my mouth shut.   I know what topics are useless discussion.  My nonverbal communication made it clear I wasn't happy, though.   

"You keep pursing your lips, crossing your arms, and rolling your eyes.  Please stop that."

"I'm doing that so that I don't say what's on my mind."

"Please stop."

"Ooooookay."

Remembering the sermon, I proceeded to speak what was really on my mind for the next two minutes.  It wasn't what I meant per se, but it was just what I'd describe as  a "clot" of emotion that was pent-up on said topic.

Two.  Minutes.

What followed was 3 hours of me apologizing and trying to repair the relationship to what it'd been before I opened my stupid mouth.

* * *

That is to say:  Sorry, pastor.  Living with other human beings means wearing a mask, whether that be civility, toughness, manners, or whatever.   I'm genuinely sorry about that, but I've never encountered a single person in my life whom I could be fully "me" around, long-term.

That's not entirely, a bad thing.   I don't like being around "real" me, and no one else would, either.

I'm selfish and I think myself more important in the grand scheme of things than I actually am.  That particular mask of not being "king baby" only-child is useful, even if everything is filtered through my limbic selfishness to my cortex so I can mitigate the "WAHHHHH I WANT WHAT I WANT I WANT IT NOW".

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: The Southeast Christian Church Easter Pageant

Easter Pageant?! What is this, amateur hour? Who cares about some piddly church passion play? What's next, "Best Little Christmas Pageant Ever"? How's this for Piddly: Two professional composers, a 9000 seat auditorium, 75,000 tickets over a month-long run, a 300 person chorous, two IMAX-size video screens. Traditionally, Southeast's Easter Pageant has been the biggest theatrical production in Louisville. They took a year off to retool and rework it, comissioning a rework from the ground up. Whereas the previous iteration had been a "cast of thousands" broadway-style production, they wanted something...different. Hoo-boy, it was different. Let's talk about "theatre" that is 1/2 movie, 1/2 live action. Apparently, they shot it at a quarry during last year's drought, and it looks pretty good. Still, I didn't like it...distracting and interrupts the flow. Likes It's not the same program they've put on for
Read more

Driving for the Cure...? (Or, how I got blacklisted...)

Image
Let me summarize: I got asked to leave and not come back. I was asked to LEAVE A CHARITY EVENT and not return. This is not a proud story, but I'm learning to deal with it. Here goes: I got to Don Jacobs BMW around 1:15 and signed my waiver with my information (including my cell phone #). They had all sorts of BMW's to drive, from Z4 roadsters to 3-, 5-, 6-, and 7-series cars, all with different engines and Rear- and All-wheel-drive configurations. I was in heaven. The place was busy, but I was interested in driving only one car for my first drive, a BMW 335i coupe (E92 in BMW parlance). This was THE car, BMW's first turbo passenger car in 20+ years, twin-turbocharged and tractable. So, I put my name in and waited patiently, watching the crew of permatan 20-somethings shuffling people in and out of the 18 cars, wagons, and SUVs they brought. This was a much bigger event than the last one I attended on a lark back in 2001. After about an hour, Gal in the White Cap ca
Read more

No, I don't have Connective Tissue Disorder

subtitle: OWWWWWWWWW! So, Whitney and I were hanging out last night, practicing some of her Bradly exercises, specifically Tailor Sitting . As we sat there, we were discussing flexibility and she said I should lean forward from my 90-degree position as far as I could. I leaned at about a 45 degree angle and finally felt a little stretch in my behind, so I kept going. Turns out, I could bend all the way forward, still in the seated position and touch my nose to the carpet. She was suitably impressed... ...Then I got up this morning, and every piece of connective tissue from my lower back to my knees hurt. =-) Seems I'm not that flexible, after all.
Read more