Weary

It's been a rough few weeks, almost entirely self-inflicted.

As the Eastern KY saying goes: "Work is aggravating me to death."  Nothing about what I'm doing is hard; tedious and frustrating, sure, but not difficult.  Basically, I fight whatever fires appear, and 90% of the time these are communications issues between teams, not technical problems.  Corporations tend to self-select for people who can hide within bureaucracy, stifle their own opinions, and dumbly line-up behind meaningless mandates.  That's wearisome, to say the least.

I feel like the same passionate guy I was eight years ago.  It's just tough keeping that passion going when all it does is get you in trouble with the political animals who smell blood in the water.  If what happened Friday blows-up on me, well...I'll own my mistake and learn from it.  I did a lot of learning last week.

* * *

The grind of keeping the house clean and picking-it-up for showing is wearing on us.

There's been alot of sickness; Whitney in particular his

I acted like an idiot last Wednesday night.  No details, but Old Me made a raging reappearance.  Overstimulated, flooded, inapropriate, caustic, hurtful, and public.  Y-A-Y.

I'm not getting any rest, feels like.  This weekend was a killer: Ran to Louisville for the 2nd weekend in a row to go to M's birthday party that featured not a single child her own age, despite our request that the host invite the multitude.  Another broken parental relationship seems in the offing.  Eventually, I plan to relate only to rocks upon which I've drawn faces and whom I call 'Spalding'.   That seems to be the endgame of our Roger Williams-esque separatism.

When we returned from Louisville, W and I cleaned house until 11, then I stayed-up until 12:30 rewriting my communion meditation.  Then, it was up at 7am, church until almost 12:30, lunch out with the family until 2, watch the kids until 5, a banzai trip to Kroger, small group until 8, 8->9 put the kids in bed, watch Downton Abbey for 2 hours, then quietly piss-off my wife until 11:30.  Fabulous day, really. :-(

* * *

Perhaps last week would've been much better if I *had* been required to fly to wherever for the week.






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