I Can't....be a Troll anymore

"I can't" is the hardest phrase for me to deal with.

"You can't" is much easier; it's someone else telling me what's not possible or not allowed. You heart it from infancy onwards. You become accustomed to its boundaries and its structure.

"I can't," though, is the phrase of capitulation, self-limitation, and self-doubt. It is at once the hallmark of maturity and wisdom and the harbinger of mediocrity and decline.

I can't; I'm broke
I can't; it's wrong
I can't; it's too far
I can't; my knees won't take it
I can't; it's too dangerous
I can't; it's too risky
I can't; I'm afraid

There's a mishmash of both wisdom and mediocrity in those phrases.

* * *

Phew...on a brighter note, I find the more I move "I can't" from "someone told me I can't" to "I told myself I can't", the better I deal with it. The latter is self-control, and that's a fruit of maturity. The former is artificial, and is a fruit of immaturity--someone else having to set your boundaries for you.

My meditations with God lately have involved the concept of readiness and capability. So long as I'm functioning as an automaton, dumbly obeying rules, fulfilling others' expectations, I'm useless and ill-prepared. Put another way, imagine putting a mean-ass Troll inside a pen with a 20 foot electrified fence with razorwire at the top.

Reasonably safe? Sure, if you're outside the cage...that doesn't work so well with your wife and kids, though. They get hurt, just for ignoring the "DANGER KEEP OUT" sign and trying to love you and know you.

So, I'm working with an outside consultant on transforming that troll inside into something a tad more...er...human.


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