On Cable

I now have 72 channels, ranging from news, sports, human interest, travel, cooking, learning, and not-too-recent movies. It takes me 20 minutes to flip through them all, comprehend which channel I'm watching, and discern why I really don't want to watch that channel at that second. I just spent the last two hours trying to reaclimate myself to cable.

I have a headache.

I can feel my attention span shortening, my life wasting away, and a strange desire to buy airwick air freshener. Things have changed somewhat in the time I've been away from cable. News is now NEWS, DAMNIT! "News" is the presentation of current goings-on, possibly with human interest stories and some weird stuff to give flavor. NEWS, DAMNIT involves 3-4 blonde anchorpersons, a crawl going across the bottom of the screen, a rotating "FOX NEWS" banner in the lower corner, and snazzy graphics proclaiming the latest UPDATE regarding the president's digestion or Alan Greenspan's incontinence.

I may just get a subscription to the Louisville Courier-Journal so that I can digest yesterdays events and tomorrow's plans at a slightly slower pace, along with a cup of fine coffee and a view out my back porch.

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