Just for the record, I like it when her arse twitches

* * *

Today has been a rather good day at work: A very productive meeting that I lead this morning that's provoked discussion among my co-workers, and lots of talking.

Software Engineers' days fall into two categories: Days where you talk versus those that are silent. Lots of meetings and hallway talk means a verbal day and some slack. Crunch time and a dealine yield quiet, closed doors, and clanging keys. Oddly, I can take either one.

It seems the only way I can get any slack around here is to create my own. My nascent team that I'm bucking to lead are eager, but swamped with other work. Management hasn't been very decisive, and we're left in limbo, but I'm EXCITED about work again.

I know it's quite a switch from my apocalyptic blog of a few weeks back, but I'm happy. I work 12 hour days and I'm happy. I feel tired and I'm happy. It's weird.

God loves me, and I'm feeling loveable. My old minister used to say, "In order to be blessed, you've gotta be blessable," and I'm taking steps to be that way. I feel things are going forward in my life, both personally and professionally. But overall, just feeling God's love (or accepting it) is a big step for me. Smiling. Greeting people honestly. Feeling I have nothing to hide. Oh, it's wonderful!

A large part of my attitude change is due to this book: Every Man, God's Man. I started reading this book the very day after my low-point last weekend, when I felt my life was going nowhere and Nihilism was creeping back into my thoughts.

I wish I could say the book told me I was hugely important and that my life would have a massive influence on the future of mankind. It didn't. Rather, it talks about understanding your place as a man in service to God. How to understand you're not perfect, how to deal with it, and how to not give Satan a threshold in your life.

Looking at it objectively, nothing has changed in my life--I'm still working hard and I still live a long way from those I love. But my attitude about it has changed: I feel blessed for what I have. Amen.

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